I don't know your definition of love

                                                         



* This post is a reflection of what I felt after my convocation ceremony has ended*


Bismillah

I don't know what your definition of love is,

But for me, love is when your father came to your convocation ceremony bringing along a bouquet of fresh flowers into the hall. He carried it happily hoping to pass it to his daughter at the end of the event not knowing that the water beneath the bouquet was dripping down during the whole ceremony hence causing the floor around him to be flooded with water. Upon realizing, he wiped it with his handkerchief. Knowing it was to no avail as the handkerchief is now soaked, he then wiped it with his socks.


I don't know what your definition of love is,

But as for me, love is when your mother is ready to walk miles just so she can witness her daughter taking a scroll on the stage despite the fact that she knows it's going to be difficult for her Parkinson's disease. Despite the fact that she has aching soles that each step she takes is a painful one. But she keeps on putting a smile on her face and the pain is as if nothing to her when she gets the chance to kiss the cheeks of her daughter.


I don't know what your definition of love is,

But as far as I know, love is when your family always make time for you although they too, have other important things to do in life. Always listen to your problems, don't mind spending money to buy you gifts, give their support and will always lend their shoulders for you to cry on.


I don't know what your definition of love is,

But I just realised that love is when your juniors attending your convocation and give you a hug, presents and flowers, (some walk miles under the burning sun to see you and say congrats) although you actually did not offer that much of help except being a friend to them and uttered some encouraging words for them to keep on going. MashaAllah. May Allah bless you, beautiful soul. You know who you are ;)


I don't know what your definition of love is,

But what I know is, love is when you are feeling so hard to bid farewell to one another. Giving a hug and your self keep on wondering whether could this be the last hug? After you pretty much grew up in the university together. Shared the worry, the sadness with each other. Celebrating one's birthday and achievement as if it is your own. Will we be able to find this kind of friendship anywhere else..?



For whatever your definition of love is, I am so glad that my understanding of love are as such. Contrary to what most people believe, love, is not at all about your love towards opposite gender, for real love requires years to build. It needs sacrifice. For years I believe that I am not a person who is overly attached to people, but voila, this is me, today, not only attached to people but is attached to moments and memories as well.

As I bid farewell to my university years, I want to understand goodbye just like what Rumi once said,

'Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul, there is no such thing as separation'

I would like to take this opportunity to really thank everyone who have made this possible. Wallahi, I don't think I can thank you enough. Alhamdulillah I am so grateful to Allah for blessing me with so many good people in my life- my parents for their constant support and motivation, my family, lecturers who are ever helpful, my batch and groupmates, akhowat, 'buddies', staff at the faculty, my patients for their trust and time! If I were in my patients' position, I don't think I will ever be able to do the same. May Allah continue to shower all of you with His blessings. Putting a title in front of my name is a big amaanah. I can feel the pressure. But I know I can do this because of the support I received from you, people.



*taking a deep breath*

Now life begins!



Ya Allah, I ask you to grant these people the best in their lives and hereafter. Alleviate their pain, make their affairs easy and bless them in whatever they are doing.

Ya Allah, bless the knowledge that I've obtained and let me utilise it well to serve this ummah.

Ya Allah, I ask You to keep guiding me, despite what the future offers. To don't ever leave me on my own. Because without You, I'm lost. Without Your love and guidance, I'm just a body walking without soul..

Ameen Ya Rabb!
'

'

                                                                       *nangis*
                                               

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Of beautiful encounter and making decisions

source

Bismillah

I know I've said this many times. But I just have to say this again, that life is always a matter of making decisions.

There is this du'a from Hisnul Muslim that I used to recite, and I hope it will be of your usual to start reciting it too. I love this du'a so much as it shows how weak we are as a servant to Allah. It contains so much of tawakkul. Here is the du'a


Ya hayyu ya qayyoom, birahmatika astagheeth, aslih lee sha/nee kullah, wala takilnee ila nafsee tarfata ayn

‘O Ever Living, O Self-Subsisting and Supporter of all, by Your mercy I seek assistance, rectify for me all of my affairs and do not leave me to myself, even for the blink of an eye.’



Subhanallah. Even for the blink of an eye? The Prophet saw really taught us something- our weakness and dependency to no one but Allah.


There are reasons why Allah gave us brain, so we are able to think *wisely*.There are reasons why we are the khalifah, and why Allah did not choose animals to make this world a better place. Well, if we want to take one's strength as the criterion to be a khalifah, I believe Allah would have chosen the lions, or the elephants. But He didn't.

It is due to the reason that we have intellect that Allah chose us to live in this world, to serve Him and to do good to the mankind.

So when I was given options, I really want to think again and again before coming up with decisions.

And the decision that I will make will inshaAllah, I hope is pleasing to Allah's sight. Life is a mystery. And I'm taking the steps to slowly exploring it- little by little. Because at the end of the day, what I really want is for Allah to be pleased with me. Wallahi, I'm just His servant, I own nothing. And I sincerely ask Allah to guide me in whatever decision that I'm about to make.

These past few weeks have been amazing. I might not have my job yet, but alhamdulillah I met so many beautiful people during this jobless time, or whatever you want to call this period is. Or 'zaman pengangguran?' Well, doesn't matter.

Thing is, I came to realize something. We might think that the person we meet is just another person but the reality is, they are not. All the people around us, they are AMAZING. I met these people randomly, had a chat and somehow they just shared their beautiful stories that left me in awe.

And there are many other incidents and conversations that I had with other people that are so inspiring and an eye-opener too. It was up to a point that I had to question my self. Why didn't I hear these stories before? How come I wasn't destined to meet these people long ago?


Until I finally got the answer. That it is not the matter of when and where that I meet these people, but rather it is the matter within me. I was too busy thinking about me, me and me until I forgot about the existence of the beautiful, kind-hearted people around me. It was always hey-I'm- saying-something-important-you-have-to-listen that I eventually do not know how to listen to what other people have to say. And amazingly, after I realized that, and started to really listen, my life seems to be more vibrant and colourful.


So if there's a message I want you to understand now, is to never take the people around us for granted. Understand them, listen to them. Each and everyone of them carries a story. The story that somehow will make you want to change and be certain in your decision. There are reasons why Allah send them and make you notice their presence in your life. It is now time to explore. Didn't we just say that life is a mystery? Well it is not a mystery until we venture out and start exploring!






IZ:   Funny that I'm writing this with nothing in my mind at first. I just let my fingers enjoying their little dance on this keyboard while at the same time letting my heart to talk to myself. Strangely they synchronised so well until the very last word..

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The fight

Bismillah.


I always feel that life is just like a bowl of salad. It is a mixture of emotions. We might hate the broccoli in the salad, or the onion, but hey, isn't there, in that same bowl of salad, the ever sweet, crunchy baby carrot? And also the green and fresh capsicum?  And to make it more awesome, there will always be that thousand island sauce to make the taste just perfect when you mix it all together.

Likewise this life. We might hate certain things that happened in our life. We are saddened by the unfulfilled expectations. We break when being tested with calamities. But have we ever reflected that those tests and tribulations are not, and will never be constant? Rather, Allah tests us and gives us alternately, in accordance to what we can bear. And that, gives life its flavour.


So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief.   Verily, with every difficulty there is relief. (Quran 94: 5-6)

5 years in dental school is not easy. I've learnt A LOT of things. And its not just about managing teeth like most of you would think. But I learnt friendship. I learnt respect. I learnt to give. I learnt to take. But most importantly, I learnt about me.. Allah is kind enough to put me in my condition now so that I know Him better. So that I become a person who depends on no one but Him. Trade me with a million dollar in exchange to my moments and my life as a dental student here in Faculty of Dentistry University Malaya, and I can say that I won't even give a glimpse on that money. By Allah, being placed in this university, in this faculty is by far the best thing that ever happened to me..

With that, I'm sharing you a poetry that I wrote a couple of months ago- a poem which describes my love-hate relationship (well for now I think it's more of love ;) ) with dentistry. Its my first attempt of writing a poem, so pardon me if it is not well put or anything. Whatever good in it comes from Allah, and whats bad comes from myself.



The Fight


I was looking at the stars so bright
As if telling me to never lose sight
Well they say, to get there I need to give my blood sweat and tears
And I was wondering will I ever be able to give that throughout the years

It once crossed my mind whether did I really make the right decision
Because often times, the struggles that I faced shook my emotion
But I remember what my father used to mention
That I've already  swum half the ocean
So there's no point looking back at the shore
For indeed the island is waiting for me, and thats for sure
So I keep on swimming...

Until I met people who want nothing but to be the best
That sometimes they have forgotten about the rest
Then I wonder if our friendship lies only to the (clinical) case
Because if that is so my friend, then we have absolutely failed the test

But I'm just glad that most of my friends are just amazing
They keep giving me hope and so motivating
To all these people who are so beautiful
Know that your presence in my life are like the moon so full
And for this friendship I will always be thankful
And I'm thankful not only because of the bond that happened
But also for the chance for us to be here as a student
To be taught by the lecturers whom God have chosen
To train us to be the best of student, and therefore the best of human
And for these teachers, may you be rewarded the highest place in the Heaven
Ameen.

You see my dear friend
This is not just a mere poetry nor a song
But this is what the heart been wanting to tell you for so long
As we call ourselves 'insan', we know we are not that strong
We tend to make mistakes all along
So when things started to be wrong
It is then time for us to really understand
That we are actually weak, hence we cant comprehend
Whatever obstacles that may come in hand
So to whom shall we raise our hand?

Waking up in the night so dark I cant see
But my heart is so hollow I'm longing to see Him
He is ar-Rahman, ar-Raheem
He, who when everybody leaves me is still there
Keep giving me hope when I'm in despair
Mending the heart when it's in need of repair
To God I put my reliance
To God I put my trust
Because what am I to Him if not just like the dust
I trust His plan, where there lies my future
As He is indeed the best planner!




I sincerely ask for your du'a to make our (final year students) affairs easy, for Allah to bless the knowledge that we've obtained, to reward those who have helped me and other friends throughout our life as a dental student, to bless my parents who have been supporting me, and for me and my friends to be able to pass the exams with flying colours. May all of us manage to become dentists who concern not just to the head and neck region of our patients, but to their soul as well. Ameen!



IZ: 2 weeks before the exams! *shivers*

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